great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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