I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
