I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
