Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
