Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
