You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
