New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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