We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
