and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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