btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
