"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
