hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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