She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
