i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
