I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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