She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
