Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
