Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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