what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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