Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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