Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
