11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
