woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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