she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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