we have officially lost it.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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