we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize