I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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