i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
