I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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