and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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