I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
