I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
