She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
As shirtless as possible
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
