At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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