How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
