i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
