i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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