Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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