she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
