just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We left the knife in your bed.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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