first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
