***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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