Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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