it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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