Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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