Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize