During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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