...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
