I wish I could punch you in the face.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
