Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
