I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
