I'm eating all of the evidence.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
