His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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