Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
