She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
