He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
