so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
