just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I AM VODKA MAN
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize