i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
