in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
