Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
