Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
