Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
