you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
