This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
