i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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