you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
