haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Randomize