atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
