I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
