Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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