Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
