The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
