She said her name was "party"
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
