kristin has been a bad kristin
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
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