your room smells of hookers.
And success
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
