You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
this just has baby written all over it
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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