Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
