theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
