There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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