Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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