apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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