I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
