My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
