My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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