So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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