Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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