He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
