the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
