so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
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