Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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