oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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