just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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