she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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