she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
