If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
