She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize