is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
