Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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