I wanna bring you to show and tell
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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