Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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