I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize