I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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