A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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