these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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